Tuesday, June 12, 2007

job search

I graduated a year ago with 2 bachelors degrees and lots of hopes for a wonderful career. I took a year off, and now I'll be starting my masters degree in September. During my time off I've realized there is so much pressure to be successful, or at least pressure to be doing something. I don't know why. Maybe it is because I married a Stanford graduate, maybe it is because all of my friends seem to be successful, or because my family always seems to assume I should be doing something. Mostly, I think it is a combination of the three.

It seems like anytime I get together with anyone they want to know what I've been doing. I always want to say, "Why the hell does it matter!? You know I don't have a job! Do I have to explain everything I do to you so that you are satisfied that I am not wasting my time!?" And it isn't that I don't want to explain to them what I've been up to, but no day is the same. I'm involved in many activities, and hobbies. I feel like if I was to say to them, "All I did today was watch Oprah and go for a run," they would secretly be disgusted with how I spend my time.

On top of that I do have a job. I am a part time nanny. I think it is a good job, but whenever I tell someone that I am a nanny I always feel like they are expecting me to then say something about what I'll be doing in the future. As if being a nanny isn't good enough. I also feel like no one ever seems to understand what a difficult job it is. I literally take over a household and have to take kids to preschool, music class, dance class. I create activities that I have to prepare in advance. I cook, I clean, I discipline, and it exhausts me! But no one ever seems to ask me about how my job is going, they only want to know what I will be doing in the future.

So I decided that with all this pressure I'd better start looking for a "real" job. Now that I've been searching for at least a month I am becoming more and more satisfied with being a nanny. Despite my degrees and experience with other jobs I can't seem to get hired for any job other than ones that high schoolers seems to manage just fine. But even the good jobs that I feel like are a good match for me don't pay as well as nannying does.

I don't know what I'll be doing in the next few months as far as a job is concerned. Maybe I'll still be nannying part time. Maybe I'll have some low-end job, or maybe I'll be working somewhere that I want to be. One thing is for sure, I won't be wasting my time, I will be enjoying my time, and I'm proud of that!